How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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