Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
