the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
