I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
