I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
