okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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