it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
