this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do herpes really smell.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
