I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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