you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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