you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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