Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
