So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
