She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize