This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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