her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize