mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
