so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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