Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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