Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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