dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
