I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
