I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
