i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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