we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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