I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
