I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
