youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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