I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
