I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
