my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So much Jack, so little girl.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
