did you get engaged???
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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