So drunk its hurt
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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