Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
