am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
