Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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