Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
we're so committed to being not committed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
