Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
