Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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