Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize