Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
