It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
