Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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