Plan B is the new Plan A
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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