the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
