Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
