One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I FOUND THE LEGS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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