if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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