Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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