3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
