Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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