There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize