Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My hand turned me down
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
