and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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