you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is the high leading the old right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
