Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
