Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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