I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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