I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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