Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
