so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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