is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
