I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
