That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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