Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
